


Alive

by Fallenfromfaith



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Blood, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Some biting, im sorry mom, nothing graphic it fades out before then, post agiri arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 17:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3945262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenfromfaith/pseuds/Fallenfromfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki Ken drifts at night. Sometimes he drifts to places he shouldn't.</p><p>What would you do to feel alive again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my qqps birthday and I really wanted to share it. It's a few months old but. I haven't read past Chapter 69, or seen past the first episode of Tokyo Ghoul Second Season, so bear that in mind. This pairing is my trash ship.  
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

_“Do you want to feel alive?"_

Late at night he finds himself drifting. Drifting between feelings, drifting between worlds, drifting. And he finds himself drifting to places he shouldn’t. Or maybe he should. He find himself on his doorstep. He doesn’t remember knocking, maybe he doesn’t. The door pulls open and there stands Tsukiyama Shuu, a knowing smile resting on his lips.

“Hello Kaneki-kun.” He gestures inside his apartment, penthouse suite, high class, so very high class. Kaneki walks in, or floats. He is hit with the scent of fine wine and roses. The wine smells desirable so it can’t be anything a human would consume. He decides to ignore that. 

Tsukiyama leads Kaneki to the living room. The apartment reeks of upper class. Kaneki doesn’t bother to take it all in, it’s irrelevant. It isn’t why he came here. The reason is somewhere. There has to be a reason. And the reason isn’t to look at Tsukiyama’s show of wealth he calls an apartment. 

Kaneki sits down on the blood red couch. He assumes its velvet, feels like it. Tsukiyama gracefully sits in an armchair close by, crossing a leg and leaning his hand against his face. He looks at Kaneki with a hungry expression. Kaneki can place it now, what to call it. When he first met Tsukiyama he couldn’t tell what the longing in his eyes was. Now Kaneki knows exactly what Tsukiyama longs to do. He wants to consume him, and perhaps a little more before he takes the final bite. There is no hiding it. Tsukiyama isn’t trying to, not now. Everything is out in the open now. No secrets. 

There is silence. Tsukiyama gazing at him. For a moment that's enough. Then the silence is broken.

“Why did you come here?” There is a smug edge to his voice, as if hes won. In a way he has, Kaneki won’t deny him that.

“I’m not sure,” Kaneki answers truthfully, almost boredly. It doesn’t matter does it? He’s here now. Wasn’t that Tsukiyama’s end goal. Wasn’t that enough.

“You look tired.” Fake concern. He doesn’t care. Perhaps he even likes it.

“Small talk.” Kaneki says, not looking at him.

“Then what do you want to talk about?” he asks, going slightly cold.

“I don’t want to talk.”

He uncrosses his legs and leans towards Kaneki. He feigns surprised pleasure. But he isn’t surprised. Of course he isn’t.

“What do you want to do?” he questions, a knowing smile. Kaneki hates it. He hates wanting this, if this is what he really wants. He wants to feel something, anything. If this is the way to do that, then so be it. Kaneki isn’t sure if he has anything to lose anymore. Humanity, soul, morals? They’re all gone. There’s nothing left to trade away. He can’t pay for this with something precious. He has nothing left. 

“I don’t know.” A lie. He knows. So does Tsukiyama. They both know why. Tsukiyama just wants to play around with him. A game of cat and mouse, but Kaneki won’t be the mouse for long.

“Do you want to feel alive?” Tsukiyama asks, gracefully getting up with a flourish. Show off. Show off in an awful bright suit, as if he knew Kaneki would come. Kaneki knows he looks like a sewer rat compared to Tsukiyama. Maybe that is what he is. The sewer rat and the high class swine. Two despicable creatures looking for something in each other.

“Do you?” Kaneki counters.

“Hm?” Tsukiyama frowns.

“Aren’t we both just dead?” Kaneki asks, “We both can’t feel anything. But we want to.”

“And we need each others help?” Tsukiyama finishes, a question lingering in his voice.

“Do you want my help?” Kaneki asks, locking eyes with Tsukiyama. He feels pathetic. This is what he’s reduced to. Or maybe this is where he’s climbed to. 

“Do you want mine?” Tsukiyama counters.

“Yes.” Kaneki looks down. A bitter smile slips across his face, “Please.”

“Then we’ll help each other,” Tsukiyama concludes.

Kaneki looks up again, “Thank you, Shuu.”

“Are we on a first name basis now?” Tsukiyama asks, a devilish smile on his face. Kaneki wasn’t one to call things devilish, and he couldn’t really define the word. Devilish was just the smile curved on Tsukiyama’s lips. Devilish was his hands lingering against his legs, longing to touch, to destroy. Devilish was something deep within his eyes, hidden under the pretend sweet gaze and even behind the pretend lust. Devilish was something in Tsukiyama’s very soul and Kaneki wanted to taste it. He wanted to go so far that he could never go back. If it meant feeling something, even something awful, he’d take it. He needed to feel something. Anything at all.

“No, I’m still Kaneki,” Kaneki says, leaning his arm against the couch’s armrest, putting a finger to the side of his face much like Tsukiyama was. Monkey see, monkey do. 

A smirk slipped over Kaneki’s face, not just his chapped lips, but his eyes, the way his skin stretched over the bones of his face. Everything painted to become the perfect smug smirk, a masterpiece worthy of praise and adoration. 

“No, Kaneki-sama.”

Tsukiyama faltered, but he didn’t seem surprised. Kaneki was hoping he would catch him off guard.

“Kaneki-sama?” 

“You have to work for it Shuu,” Kaneki says, pulling down his shirt to reveal his bare shoulder, “We both do.”

“How far will this go?” he asks, Kaneki can tell he can barely contain himself. He wants to bite down into naked flesh. He wants to consume. And Kaneki wants him to. He wants to feel pain and disgust. He wants to feel passion. He wants to feel it all. He wants to hold a hand out for Tsukiyama and allow him to do whatever he wishes. But he must not give in like that. He must be careful, calculating. 

“Not all the way. That wouldn’t be fun now would it?” Kaneki tilts his head, “I want to feel alive, not dead.”

“For a moment you will be-”

Kaneki glares, speaking out of turn, that won’t bode well for Tsukiyama, “This is best for both of us. Don’t be a glutton Shuu. Besides, wouldn’t you miss me?”

Kaneki did it, caught Tsukiyama off guard. He is thrown off, isn’t sure where to go. Because Kaneki was right, Tsukiyama would miss him.

“That hardly-”

“This way we can play again.” Kaneki smirks; it's his turn to be on top. Its turn to be in control. He isn’t, he’s just as helpless as Tsukiyama. They’re both helpless in each others grasps, wrangling around for control they can never have. They’re both the controlled and the controller at the same time. In the same exact moment they order and obey. They are both damned beyond all thought. Kaneki feels nothing, except the pricking of excitement. He is in control. 

“We’re going to play again?” That sealed the deal.

“I want to feel alive, Shuu.” Kaneki winces at the desperation in his voice, “Please, lets be alive.” 

Tsukiyama kneeled down on one knee, offering his hand with a flourish.

“I’m yours to command Kaneki-sama.” 

Double edged knife. Kaneki could feel the blood already spilling. It felt. He finally felt.

Kaneki took his hand lightly, leaning forward, letting his shirt drop lower. “You want to taste heaven?” He asks, bringing his face close to Tsukiyama’s. Their lips were close, Kaneki could feel Tsukiyama’s breath on his face. He felt it, really felt it. 

“I believe you’d taste like hell.” Tsukiyama smirks. 

Kanki squeezes Tsukiyama’s hand, looking at him in cold amusement. He was good at hiding the pain, but Kaneki kept digging his nails deep into skin until he could feel the blood trickle and see pain in Tsukiyama’s eyes.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to me,” Kaneki says, releasing Tsukiyama’s hand and leaning back. 

He licks his fingers, tasting his blood. It’d be a lie to say he didn’t enjoy the taste. It was intoxicating. Kaneki licks his fingers clean. He doesn’t have it in him to feel ashamed. There is no point to that anymore. Kaneki doesn’t have shame anymore, he doesn’t have anything but this taste lingering on his tongue.

“You taste like hell.” Kaneki leaned against the back of the couch.

Tsukiyama wipes his hand on the pretty, unstained carpet, breathing heavier. Kaneki loves the pain he can’t hide. 

“Do you like hell?” Tsukiyama asks.

“Yes.” Kaneki leans forward again, “Show me hell, Shuu.”

“With pleasure.” 

Kaneki finds himself pinned down to the couch, Tsukiyama’s teeth sinking into his shoulder. He doesn’t understand why he’s laughing but he is. The pain feels good. While Tsukiyama’s hands are busy hungirly running through Kaneki’s hair Kaneki’s hands begin to undo buttons. He manages to get the suit jacket undone then he rips at the shirt, exposing Tsukiyama’s neck. Tsukiyama is too preoccupied to care, or maybe he wouldn’t care either way. Kaneki sinks his teeth into Tsukiyama’s neck, being careful not to inflict anything fatal. That wouldn’t be fun.

Kaneki feels alive. He doesn’t know how they both manage not to go too far. Maybe because they both don’t want to lose this feeling. Or maybe because deep down they’re both attached. Kaneki doesn’t want to admit he is. If this is love it isn’t a fairy tale kind. It’s toxic, it’s deadly, and it is just what Kaneki needs. Tsukiyama can feel anyway he wants. But the way he strokes Kaneki’s face tells Kaneki all he needs to know.

They’re both lying on the floor, breathing heavy. Kaneki gets up shakily ignoring the pain.

“You’re going to leave in that condition?” Tsukiyama asks, hardly in any better shape.

“I’ll be fine.” Kaneki stops himself from falling back to the floor.

Tsukiyama gets up, Kaneki can tell hes trying to hide the grunts of pain. Not very ideal for him, not majestic or stylish.

“I have a spare room. Stay.”

Kaneki hesitates. It is late. Stumbling around with open wounds is inviting trouble.

“Fine.”

Tsukiyama leads Kaneki to a bedroom much less smoothly than he lead him to the living room.

Kaneki wordlessly walks to the bed, sparing Tsukiyama one more glance before falling onto it. Kaneki doesn’t feel any guilt in staining Tsukiyama’s nice linens with his blood.

The hall light disappears as Tsukiyama closes the door. Kaneki buries his head into the pillows. He hurts. He feels. 

He lets himself plunge into sleep. He doesn’t dwell on what happened, it was what he wanted. There is no point in regretting it.

Kaneki Ken drifts. He drifts off to sleep.


End file.
